Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

I forgot about this.

Wed, 16 May 2007 21:29:06 GMT

Since I feel the need to say it
and it seems the people to tell
are disappearing as busy as other people
want to keep them.
Fucking rude, they've obviously
never been taught to share.
I've never felt so let down.
But this one I hold my hand up to.
So disappointing.
The worst bit though ?
Oh the worst bit.
I wish we'd never met.

Mon, 07 May 2007 20:52:58 GMT

I'd like a cd.
A cd of my favourites.
But by y'all.
None of this original artists.
Just y'all.
Lovely.

Saviour in a song.

Mon, 09 Apr 2007 23:26:14 GMT

As emotional, as silly,
as artistic, as poetic,
as desperate, or as dramatic
as it sounds.
Tonight my life was saved.

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 22:28:29 GMT

If they're everything and more
than we could ever wish for.
We must have been nothing and
what we had to settle for.
To take as much as you can.
What will be, will be and
I'm certain to let it be with
every manner and motion.
Negating me.
As indefinitely as one can last
and stamping forever as much as one
can march.

Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:44:34 GMT

I drew and shaded a heart on the
steamed car window today.
With one eye closed I peered through it.
In the clear glass, the heart,
I saw everything.

The little fools of February.

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 11:53:04 GMT

The drams and dregs of January
made for an interesting start.
Seems everyones having revelations
left, right and centre.
Everyone is seeming shiney and new.
New isn't necessarily better but, new.
Almost two months down of the year.
Time is the most reliable thing.
You can rely on it to always change
and never be on your side.
I've got the worst, worst case of missing
and dwelling after people
that I never see anyway.
Breaking out the old songs,
brings back a lot.
At my most overly sentimental peaks
I wonder if I ever told them what
they meant and what they got me through,
ya know?
I know I never though. I don't even tell people that I have now.
It's just nice and almost melodic to think I did
I passed examinations.
I still don't like University.
Not my revelations then.
People seem to think I'm wandering through life in a
completely drunken daze constantly.
I can't co-ordinate my actions and
my brain and tongue fail to communicate.
I drop things, trip, stumble, fall and
all my words are mixed up and used wrongly.
Taken in the worse possible sense they could be
becaues that's how the tune goes.
Refraining to talk or do anything, to hault the
worsening scenarios results in even more offence.
Bombardments of what's wrong with you,
attention seeking accusations et cetera, et cetera.
I wonder when they're coming back? Hmm.
Countdown of the days and the time that will race.

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 23:23:28 GMT

I've never seen such fakeness.
Friends of an associated kind.
A smile for anyone to add to a number.
I'd like to say I'm done with it
but its impossible to escape.
Laughter at someone else's expense
seems to be the funniest kind.
It's hard to see the hurt.
You're making a name for yourself.
I want you to make a name for yourself.
Go do it somewhere else though,
I don't want to know anymore.
I wished it over and I wished it to begin.
I've wished and wished and hoped.
Is it hard to accept I only ever wanted
the best for a few?
Determined to hurt themselves and me in the process.
It's so hard. I wish I'd went
all that time ago.
Different scenery. Different everything.

The beautiful people.

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 20:19:02 GMT

We cause the best problems,
void with any answers.
Merrily solving the problems,
we've not yet created and those
we will never conjure.
In Scotland. In England.
In Jersey. In Paris.
Salvaging smiles and memories
from what's past and already perfect.
The man who held the tears
spoke with such sincerity.
I welled not by his words but
his sincerity in the delivery.
It was always too much
and there will never be enough time.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 15:27:46 GMT

There were lies from the bells first ring.
Hardly disappointing, such is life.
I've started droring again.
I've thrown out all my writings, notes and lyricals.
Started a new so to speak.
Why waste paper on those that mean nothing anymore.
Poor trees.
I'm writing again. It's almost refreshing.

2006

Sun, 31 Dec 2006 15:17:35 GMT

I'll resist condemning myself to
the ranks of how depressing life can be
at the end of another year.
Cause sure it can be all horrible but
it can be rather lovely too.
In a reflective note 2006 was a weird one.
Many a things done and nothing regretted.
I found a true friend,
lost my ability to care for certain peoples
and glad in doing so,
met a boy with the kindest eyes
and in my opinion the best laugh ever.
The action, the sound, the motion.
Beautiful in all manners of the word.
He's something.
Family. Just family.
Academically I've started again, I hate it,
But I'm hanging in there perhaps for
the people rather than the piece of paper
I'll receive at the end. If I work that hard.
I'm not working that hard.
It's on this last day that I find people
flurrying and scurrying back to make amends,
reminisce and take new stands.
I don't like it. Nor do I admire or want to bend
to fit it.
There's a reason we did what we did back then.
It still stands. No new day or "new year"
will change that.
No flighty apology and fresh starts
will fix it.
Whilst I've not dared forget I shall not forgive either.
People should have some more substance behind their
words when they talk to me now.
My annoyance of taking things too seriously and thinking
far far far too much.
Hasn't and won't change.
Tonight I'll be surrounded by folk.
Giving me sweet talk and sweet smiles.
I'll be their best of buddy if it gets them served quicker.
I'll bring in the year with a roomfull of people
I can hold no real request of knowing.
Shame.
Alas, I'm finished.
A fond farewell 2006 you've been troublesome,
I welcome 2007 with open arms and a pub full of punters.
Cheers x

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 01:37:43 GMT

Give us a break.
Rest your troublesome yet weary self
and let us be.
Worry not on how to cause us woe
but help us achieve something.
We're merely a few souls in a sea of too many.
Bestow us with a bit of ease.
Why not us? Begs an answer.
Why can't we have the carefree stream
tumble down into every crevice and round
every bend. Fair?
It certainly isn't but merely nothing
seems to be if it does not benefit oneself.
It's the natural outlook on which we all rest.
Lay our thoughts to and open our palms to.
It's not so unusual. But there comes a time.
The time is when? By no means now.
Our clock is ticking over or it's stopped altogether.
We never asked for this and we certainly
Don't want it.
Indulge another. Please.
For a valley is filled and there is just
no more space for anyone to take anymore.
Overflowing as we go, but on and onwards we go.
As merry as our hearts allow.

Sun, 05 Nov 2006 00:49:28 GMT

I turned over a new outlook.
Just for a change.
A little more laid back.
It's all backfired.
I trust no textual information for it does not convey tone.
MSN needs tone I tell thee!
Tone seems to be a key element to social understanding.
I have the inability to understand it seems.
Or show my stance for those to understand.
Giving up seems so easy, I'm not prepared to do that.
It was all fine. Actually fine.
Not just I'll say I'm fine and we'll all know I'm not.
IT WAS FUCKING FINE!
I like tea.
Tea please!

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 23:45:49 GMT

Oh dally toward, you Barenaked Ladies.
My hearts beckoning has finally reached you.
At last you return to my treacherous shores
to thrill me with your melodies.
I simply. Can't. Wait.
If any part of my body decides to go kaputty
this time and make me miss the experience
I sorely crave,
I shall want my whole body to break
and not just a part.
I'm starting to love the subway.
Only because I can look at persons properly
and know they're looking straight back.
Acknowledgement in all its forms is nice.
I'm currently indulged with the presence of liked people.
The only ending I could require of life is that
it becomes person and even more mutual than it appears now.
Funny when they realise you're a person too.
A person that you can get on amazingly with?
Even better. I'm starting to like being me,
not who I used to and not who I'm asked to,
just me.
Farewell past faces, for I do not care any longer.

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 18:25:03 GMT

I wish people would start to tell the
good things as much as the bad.
It might make everything seem so much less depressing.
So I've not got on this well with
anyone in a monstrously lengthy amount of time.
A possible new climax ahead, yet
I feel so silly to be placing everything
into a feeling.
I don't know if it's hoping or wanting.
Needing?
It's almost unreasonable in my eyes
to want to
throw down the hatches and open the windows.
Let a different kind of sunshine in.
Breathe in a different sense of being
and a new scent of existence.
Perhaps too stuck in being sensible.
Fearing rejection and just waiting to be scorned.
Like every natural person.
I'm just dangling. But it's a good way to be.
Because perhaps the saviour of my feeling.
He doesn't seem to mind.

x

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 22:17:16 GMT

Blatantly mentally exhausted.
But he said, she said that you said.
What about just what you say.
You. As in the person I ask.
Forget the drama to excuse yourself
from possible wrong doing.
It doesnt make it any easier.
People have all disappeared.
People are all self absorbed.
I exclude not myself.
A few days of me, me, me
have left me wondering where
the world's done gone now.
Turned and left me here. If I'm not,
mistaken?
Im glad things have changed and
issues addressed.
I couldn't have taken much more.
I don't think
anyone could bear it with me either.
A less than one year old sneezed so loud
she scared herself. It raised laughter in me.
A lot more than 70 years old tried to cross
at a zebra crossing, approached to fast by a car.
He got frightened ran back and fell over.
Laughter raised? Nil.
Point to this? Nil.
Amused by other people's fear? Unfortunately yes.
Rise up people. Onward and picking puzzle pieces
of the past we'd like to keep.
There can't be only one space for it to fit.
Puzzles always have adjoining wrong bits.

So

Sun, 17 Sep 2006 18:57:07 GMT

I had to go to hospital today.
My throat closed up so bad that
I was having trouble breathing.
Apparantely breathing is a kinda,
essential thing. So yup.
Got tablets now and I'm not to leave
seeing a doctor so long next time.
Is it my fault I don't like 'em?
Prrft. I wanna go
see the Vengaboys a lot.
Tuesdays a bit of a big day.
And OH
http://www.myspace.com/emmielovesyoux
Get over it and add me if you care
before I breakdown at how many
friends I DON'T have.
JeezOH.

Harhar.

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 10:11:22 GMT

I can't stop smiling.
Even if I did just NOT get Killers tickets.
SORE POINT.
I can't stop smiling.
Heh. I got an email from the mighty Myspace.com.
Revisited the page that I attempted to work
all that time ago. I'm mighty considering setting it up.
Once and for all.
Join the ranks of people that can write
their myspace addresses on drunk peoples hands
and such. Then gain a new friend to their 11564313213
friends already.
Ho hum and feel popular.
Stop smiling
I'm going to see Muse. HO HUM.
I found my reason to update all this again.
No I won't share them.

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 01:30:59 GMT

This journal is defunct.
I feel comfortable with
no-one, nothing and perhaps
more unfortunately,
most definitely not myself.
Goodbye internet,
ye have served me well.
Until someone gives me some
legit reason for being, I'll
write you later.

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 21:10:41 GMT

I lay for five hours
this morning when I wandered,
home.
Awake on a sun lounger
outside that has seen
much better days.
Thoughts and a voice
who would think of such
a combination.
Quiet nights planned
makes for unplanned futures.
I can't wait for next week.
My phone just made my speakers
do that DO DO DO DO DO DO DO sound.
Nothing. It makes my heart flutter
at contact to equate to nothing.

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 23:42:52 GMT

"Would you want me when I'm not myself ?
Wait it out while I am someone else?"
John Mayer.
Yes I do and yes I would.
I always have. Pity you cant see past
your own little world that includes.
Oh, just you. But just you
is always good enough for me.
I'm so unsettled but smiling.
I saw the best smile I've seen in a while
last week.
It was for me and only me.
Old times dont fade to forgotten.
I cant get over Johnny Cash and the Carter family.
They sound so together. They sound in love.
And they sound so loved.
You can just HEAR it.
It's more than good harmony.
So much more.
You thought she was beautiful till she broke up your guitar.
Its more than material possession, you said.
Its more like serial obsession, you said.

Wed, 16 Aug 2006 22:07:27 GMT

So apparantely.
There's owl necklaces in
Topshop and Urban Outfitters.
Guffaw.
Seems the antique
will just look brand new.
Shame. Fads suck trendy kids bits.

Sat, 12 Aug 2006 22:04:39 GMT

I'm getting married.
Okay. So no. I'm not.
Do I have your attention spans?
I think this is how
it would feel.To step into
something that is
quite positively live changing.
Anticipation running so fast
you think its going to run right
to the moon and never come back.
Yet fear, taking a grip of
every awaiting thought that could
be seen as negative.
Alas. A new direction. Is very
welcome.
Attention from total strangers,
rather than the people you
"NEED". Is possibly. Better?
Queer. It just shows you CAN
do without. However sad and
final it seems. To feel un-needed.
Its a bit saddening. Yet strenghtening.
I was holding a belt today in a shop.
It was pretty I bought it.
But a group of 5 boys came up to
me with their hands held out.
I said What? in a slightly
quite apprehensive manner.
They said Belt us
Genuine smile of laughter.
Really. I denied their request
of a phone number. They were too quirky.
Kelvingrove is so heartbreakingly
disappointing and I have
a new found affection for the Stobbs.
Or maybe it's just the people.
Person ?
Ha. Why not I say. I've heard not
from a handful of people in about
a week. Suits you?
You're changing all for the worse.
It's comforting to think I'm not alone
in that thought. Even though
I could have done with your voices
around these times and events.
Let's not expect us to pick up where
it left off. Positive strangers.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 22:57:38 GMT

People. Oh people.
Rejoice for yourselves
and scorn nothing.
For you surprise me.
To be thankful,
is appreciating
and respectful.
To thank, is a baffling procedure.
Who to thank?
While I have considered
to thank the belief I
do not adhere to,
I can't seem to place it.
I believe every
encounter shapes you.
Every strangers smile,
held hand, broken heart,
shared tears, lingered embrace,
surprise compliment,
hurtful insult, damning opposition
and spiriting competition.
EVERYTHING. Therefor,
I thank. Simply everyone.
For presenting me with the people
I encounter. However you've loved,
hated, hurt and adored them. All of the
Inbetween. Thank you.
Simply grateful. Always.
Signed on the waive of vulnerability.
Acknowleged by the brave.
Or perhaps the equally
and understanding diminished.
Sacrificed a barrier that I'm glad
has came crumbling down.
There's nowhere to hide now unless
I close my eyes. If I can't see you,
you were never there. Hardly.
No-one's ever left.

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 22:56:50 GMT

No matter how much you do for people,
should the chance arise,
they'll make you feel worse than them.
No matter how much you care they'll throw
it back at you.
Hurtling through the air with intent
only to hurt and they'll feel better.
And stupidly I'm glad they feel better.
Always. Fact.
"Im pleased with you for standing up for
yourself, last time I was pleased with you,
you'd learned how to walk"
I appreciated the honesty in this.
Truely. Only taken me what ... 18 years?
To have pride ooze towards me in
all directions. Finally.
Im so mad at people now. I was
having a lovely night.
Old faces making me feel appreciated.
Inverness accents.
English accents.
Genuinely lovely faces.
Whimsical talk to people
I'll probably never meet again in my life.
But on some fleeting odd moment of memory
will remember anyway.
Then its almost like that big hook
that took off bad acts in stage shows
in days of old. Catches me, grabs me back
and drops me into my life again.
Nestled in the realm of why do the people
I love and claim to love me.
Seem so strange and distant. Is it that I'm
no longer of interest? ... use even?
I spoke for 4 hours to someone I know
only to do the polite,
Hi how are you? not seen you for a while,
conversation with.
In 4 hours. I opened up to a practical
stranger about everything. EVERYTHING.
They know me now better than the "close".
And whats better, or worse? I cant figure it out.
I think they care more too.
Past faces.
I love how I didn't have to tell him ANYTHING
that's been going on lately for him to
recognise my sadness. A vibe? A sense?
The knowing of a person? All of the above.
And I'm grateful. SO grateful.
A white knight or just a stroke of luck.
I appreciate it.
Tomorrow I'll be delving into the unknown.
And now that I really think about it by myself
(since no one seems wiser to advise)
I dont think I want to anymore. Excitement gone.
In the space of a few hours.
Ball Ox.
I don't grudge you your happiness.
What sort of person or friend would that make me?
Perhaps I just wish I had some of my own.
I got a Burger King tonight and then
gave it away to a homeless person.
Plain nice or just plain stupid?
I had no dinner. Not like it'll harm me.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 21:37:22 GMT

Standing outside on your
patio table in
the downpour with
tears falling almost in synch
with the rain.
Seems better than anything
busy friends could ever offer.
I'll remember this for sure.
Avast ! Avast !
Danger ? Let's cover our eyes
and shelter our ears.
If it does not involve one,
does it concern one ?
You're spectacularly drenched
in appreciation when you're the
needed. Adoration and love.
When needy? Good luck kid !
A slap on the back and get on with it.
Y'all let me know when you need a
hand now !
A non slapping hand.
More a if I just hold you. It will get better.
It has to. Kind of hand.
I can't help it. Stroking in an embrace.
I get thanks.
Bnl save lives quite literally.
I've fallen out with Ben severely.
So much that I wont even pretend
to right hand his genius on my keyboard.
And the niggling almost
constant piece in my life
and I have decided. It's best left.
Talking and correspondence shall
cease. I'm almost glad.
Shame. Really.
To think all equals nothing in the end.
Higher maths never taught me that one.
Higher maths never taught me anything.